Finding my way back: Shashikala’s story

What should I do? What shouldn’t I do? How should I do it? Why can’t I do it? Will I get into trouble if I do it this way? Whatever the circumstances, I need to do this now.

When we make a decision, many questions arise. If we have to live with those decisions, willingly or unwillingly, what happens? Do we realize that our decisions actually shape our lives? We make decisions at different stages of life. When we are very young, our parents make decisions for us:

“You need to eat this. You shouldn’t eat that. This outfit suits you. You have to attend this class. Now you must study.”

Just as our parents make decisions for us, there are many things in life that we have to do. Gradually, as we grow older, we start thinking for ourselves about our own lives. During this period, disagreements with teachers and parents, and even expressing opposing opinions, happen because we are beginning to form independent thoughts. During this time, we also form our own opinions about education, friendships, and love. Standing up for these opinions and making independent decisions happen at this stage. Although this is normal, whether we are physically and mentally prepared to make these decisions and live with their consequences is something that often requires us to reflect on those decisions later.

This story is about a life that was caught in a severe storm due to a decision and how it gradually found its way back to stability. Her name is Shashikala Madhushani. When I met her, she was just 17 years old. She was a young woman who was capable academically, athletically, in English, and in dance—an independent thinker entering youth with her own voice. Her story, with its tender moments and sharp pangs of pain, revisits her life experiences and highlights the resilience of youth.

“I never follow what anyone tells me. If someone tells me how to live, walk, or dance, I just drift through life. There were no deficiencies in my home life. There were only my mother and sister. My father was busy with his business. My mother loved us deeply, and my sister studied well. Later, she went abroad. I felt alone at home. During this time, because of the loneliness in my life, I sought freedom. I could have studied, but my heart wasn’t in it. Around the age of 16, I became friends with a boy living nearby. I didn’t understand anything at that time. Even though my family strongly opposed the relationship, my heart wouldn’t accept their objections. No matter how much my family objected, I didn’t stop. I was preparing to study commerce for my A/L exams. I was good at sports and dance, but the boy I loved never supported me. Whenever he wanted, he took me along. He never gave me the space to prepare properly for my exams. One day, I secretly went to a sports event, and he came looking for me, dragged me away, and beat me. I cried so much. He never allowed me to do anything I wanted. At that moment, I couldn’t change my decision—he had entered my life completely. Simply put, he treated me as if I were already his wife. He took me from place to place. I had no power to stop it. I just let it happen…”

As Shashikala recounted her past, her memories brought tears to her eyes, and her trembling body and tear-filled eyes reflected the pain she had endured.

“Yes, he slowly engulfed my bright, youthful life. No matter how much my family opposed the relationship, I couldn’t stop it. My father once even beat him to make him stop, but it didn’t work. He expressed his love, cried, and persuaded me, and eventually took me away. I loved my home, but I thought I couldn’t think about any other boy because of our long-distance relationship. Looking back now, I realize how wrong that decision was. I abandoned everything—my studies and my parents’ guidance—for his love. He took me away. I thought I would be a helper in his house, but soon I realized I was just trapped. My parents tried to discipline me, but they couldn’t help me. I stayed with him for a year, and it was completely isolating. I began to understand the decisions I had made. His family scolded me. One day, he came home drunk and caused trouble. I endured unbearable physical and mental pain. After a year, he forced himself on me, even though I was only 17. Legally, that was unacceptable. He demanded property from my family and bullied me. After that period, I realized many things. No matter how hard I tried, his family didn’t allow us to live properly. I stayed in a narrow, uncomfortable place. I reflected on why this had happened, and later I learned that he had relationships with other women. Even that did not stop him from approaching me. In short, he rejected me after taking everything he could. The pain and despair caused by the decision I made and its consequences are indescribable.”

“Another woman came and slapped me in the face. I lost all patience. I grabbed some underwear from my bag and ran out, not knowing where to go. It was around 7 p.m., and I was 19. I had no one and nowhere to go. I thought that if my parents turned me away, I would die. That night, I cried all the way home. When I arrived, I was trembling. My mother saw me, and I thought she would slam the door in my face. She didn’t. She took me in and cared for me. That day, I felt my mother’s love more than ever. I felt that I had to live again. My father cried too. Somehow, I filed for divorce. I didn’t want anything from him, only freedom. Later, I was able to get a divorce at the age of 20. I wondered what I should do next. My sister told me to come and stay with her, and I agreed. I came to Dubai and restarted my life. My sister gave me a chance to study again. Gradually, I realized that I was living again. Over time, I learned about responsibility, life goals, and much more. I am now an HRM diploma holder, enrolled in a degree program, and during this journey, I met my life partner. He taught me about love, trust, respect, and understanding in a relationship. We fell in love freely. Our memories in the beautiful city of Dubai are unforgettable. This gave me a great boost to move forward. After several years of love, we got married in 2020. We returned to Sri Lanka. I now constantly look after my parents. There is much to do. Truly, I am now living in a place where my life belongs to me. Words cannot describe the happiness. At the age of 26, we have many plans for the future, and we are working towards them…”

Shashikala concluded her story with tears of happiness. Having been caught between difficult decisions, she had now overcome the storm and reached calm waters. Youth is a turbulent period. Correct decisions not only make this time more beautiful but also provide a strong start towards achieving life goals. Even if a decision was wrong, there is always time and strength to return to the right path, as Shashikala’s story illustrates. Reflecting on this can help you when making your own decisions.